dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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