if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Will exercising make me less horny?
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