If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
