Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
