She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
