cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
