We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry my hands just texted you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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