I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
