Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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