I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
