By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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