ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
