if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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