i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
