So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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