i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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