Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
