Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize