she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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