He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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