did you get engaged???
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
