so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The beer is more important than you right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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