This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
