just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
