I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You work out of a Hotel?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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