even my farts smell like vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
