All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
