i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
