Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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