i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
