The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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