only if we run a train.
done.
please come you make the beer taste better
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
