I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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