Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
