Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
