My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
