youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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