The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
