I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
