and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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