I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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