her facebook's as public as her vagina
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I touched a dick in church today
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
