can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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