i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
