Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
