i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
