Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
