At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
