I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there's paper in my vomit.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize