the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
