Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
